Shadow Babysits OHNOES!
by lolsnope
Summary: After Shadow does something Mean to Sonic, Sonic gets back at him by volunteering him to babysit. Fun times ensue.Plot loose following from chapter to chapter.
1. Prolog

Prolog

It was a normal day in Station Square. People were walking the streets, and the fast food places were swamped, considering it was lunch time. Suddenlly, not threateningly, a flash of blue was seen by a few people. THey weren't alarmed, it was just Sonic, taking his daily run, a little later than normal. But today Sonic had more than just running on his mind.

He ran at mach speeds through the city, asnd was thinking aloud. "Stupid Shadow... I'll show him!"

He came to a screeching halt in fron tof the Job bilboard in the city park. A smile formed on his lips. "Hehe... I got it..." He looked at one specific ad, and grabbed anumber off it, and, tucking it away safely, continued running through the city.


	2. Chapter 1:Fetch

Chapter One:

Shadow lay back, enjoying the sun shine in through his window. The couch he lay on was new, he had received it from an anonomous person the other day. The TV was on infront of him, showing a popular gameshow, "Do you take the money that the Teller is offering or not? This is totally not a rip off of Deal or No Deal!" On SSBC(Station Square Brodcasting Company).

Amy recently had won a chance to play, and SHadow was only watching because Amy was there, forcing him to watch it.

"Amy Rose..." The host said, turning to her. You still have .01 Rings on the board, but you have 1,000,000 Rings on the board as well. The teller is offering you 734,018.38 Rings. Do you take the money the teller is offering you or not?"

The crowd shouted suggestions. Amy,the one on TV, stood, looking at the board, a quizical look on her face.

"So I don't get it, it's a gambling show?" Shadow asked, with a yawn.

"N--No! " Amy said, angered. "It's strategic ion how you pick the cases!"

"Are there guns in it?" He asked, bluntly.

"Wh---What? No!"

"Then why am I watching it?" Shadow flipped the TV off, and kicked, literally, Amy off his couch.

Amy looked up at Shadow from the floor, and tears came to her eyes.

"OH NO! No! Amy d--don't cr---" Shadow started to plead. But it was entirely too late. She burst into tears at Shadow's mean behavior. Immeditaly police burst in, and pointed at Shadow. "RAPIST RAPIST!" they sprayed him with mace, and helped Amy to her feet, walking her out of the house.

Shadow lay on the floor, screamiung, and covering his eyes.

"AHHHHH! OH GOD! THE PAIN WHY! WHY!?!?!? MARIIIIAAAAAAAA!" He randomly shouted, kicking on the ground. The phone rang, and he jumped up, his eyes red and tears dripping from them from the mace.

"Yeee--ello?" He asked, calmly. The voice on the other line spoke. "Uh huh.. I'm Shadow...yes, I'm black...no I'm not homosexual...yes I have dresses in my closet...no I'm not a serial rapist...yes I Can see why kids like cinamon toast crunch...yes... yes I can!... Because it's a taste you can see!...Whuh? What job? Apply? No, no I didn-wait! Yes, I AM Shadow, but n--- I didn----- 6:00 PM? That's in 2 minutes! NO! NO I didn--"

But the line had been dropped. Shadow sighed, and hung up, and resumed screaming and thrashing on the floor.

After about 30 seconds of that, he got up and washed out his eyes. After that, he went downstairs, and sat by the television, until he heard the doorbell. When he opened the door, he was greeted by Vanilla Rabbit. "Thank you SO much for watching Cream for me Shadow, I was beggenning to think no one would..."

Behind her was A smaller rabbit, bouncing in place, and giving a twitch every few seconds. Above her, floated a chao, with a bowtie on. It floated around her, saying, "Chao" over and over again.

"Sooo the pay is 15 Rings an hour, I may be out late tonight, so remember her bed time is 9:00 SHARP! Wherever she drops at 9, is where she'll sleep for the rest of the night. If she's in the way justy kinda kick 'er to the side. Have fun!" The smaller rabbit ran inside,bouncing, and Vanilla closed the door, walking away.

Shadow and Cream stood there, and stared at each other far a few seconds. Immediatly Cream started talking.

"Hi! I'mCreamandIliketoplaywithmychaoCHEESE!" She said, or more acurately yelped in one long runon sentence.

"Riiight..." Shadow muttered. "Well, the TV is in the living room, and there's a little bit of candy in the ki--"

"ILIKECANDYWHERESTHECANDYGIMMIETHECAAAAAAAANDY!" Cream screeched, and ran arounnd the house, in to the living room, and then to the kitchen, back to the greeting area, and up the stairs, in and out every room, and then back downstairs, right in front of Shadow.

Shadow glared at her. "Sit down..." Cream obediantly sat down on the spot, and stuck her tounge out, like a dog.

"Good, now just stay there..." Cream gave what sounded like a bark.

Shawdow raised an eyebrow, and grabbed a stuffed bear from his coat rack, and opened his cellar door. Wanna play dog do we? How about 'fetch'..." He threw the stuffed bear into the cellar, and Cream ran after it. Shadow slammed and locked the door after her.


	3. Chapter 2:The SSWHOTLPTINAROOIHOP

Chaper Two: Trouble at the SSWHOTLPTINAROOIHOP

Shadow sat on his couch watching TV. He glanced at his clock. 8:58. He could put up with the psycopathic child for 2 minutes. He walked over to his cellar door, and opened it.

"Come." He said, monotonic. Cream galloped up the stairs, like a dog on all fours. She stood at the top of the stairs, the bear in her mouth. She dropped it in front of Shadow, and panted, rubbing against his leg.

"Good girl..." He said cautiously petting her. She licked his leg, and then, plopped down, into a curled piosition, her hands behind her head, sleeping. Shadow sighed. "Vanilla was serrious."

Shadow looked at the sleeping Cream. Her chest heaved in and out slowly, as she broth in and out. He sighed, cursing whatever made him d o this, and picked her up, and laid her onto the couch, in a comfortable position, then sat down on the floor to watch TV.

When Vanilla Came back at 9:30, she handed Shadow 45 rings, and picked Cream up from the chair.

"Thank you so much.." She said again. "I'll be back by again tommorrow at 6 AM, to drop Cream off so I can go to work."

Shadow gagged. "S---Six in the morning? But I just got rid of the little brat! What Am I going to do for 12 hours?!"

Vanilla gave him a serious expression. "Watch my daughter." She said, menacingly.

Shadow himself knew he was a bad ass, and could probobly take down Vanilla. Okay, actually, he'd probobly just whistle and his fan girls would come in, attack Vanilla, rub Shadow's white chest hair, and run off screeching, BUT he was still, in a wierd way, scared of Vanilla.

"O--Okay, I'll watch the little thing..." SHadow muttered. "Now good night." He closed the door without letting Vanilla get another word in. He walked up to his bedroom, dragging his feet along the floor. "Good What a night..."

He hadn't een watched her, and he was worn out. But she was... Shadow couldn't grasp the word. 'Innocent?Childish?...'

He couldn't grasp the word, and it bit at him as he fell asleep...

**DAY 2**

The doorbell rang, rushing Shadow out of his dream. He looked around, attempting to find the source of the noise. Again the doorbell chimed. SHadow looked at the clock and sighed. 8:59 AM.

"She's a damn minute early..." As he spoke, the clock immediatly changed to show 9:00 AM, and Shadow growled. He threw the sheets off of his bed, and jumped up. His bare feet carried him down the stairs. And when he opened the door, Vanilla and Cream gasped.

"Sh---Shadow!" Vanilla said, a look of disgust on her face.

SHadow look quizically, and glanced down at him self gasping.

"Make your self... decent!"

Shadow grabbed his two golden rings from the pillar beside them, and put them around his wrists. "Sorry..." He muttered.

Vanilla gave him an exasperated look. "SHadow, I'll be here at about 9 tonight. I expect Cream and Cheese to be well taken care of, and well fed."

Shadow nodded, and with a grunt, closed the door.

He looked at Cream, who was standing inside, calmly, and looking at a picture.

"Ohh... Mr. Shadow, what's this a picture of?" She asked, voice full of awe.

Shadow glanced at it, and felt a quick jolt of anger.

"It's a picture of the Space Colony ARK..." He said, his rage turning to sadness.

Cream gave him a wierd look.

"Why does it make you sad Mr. Shadow? It's such a beautiful picture..."

Shadow felt a weird feeling. It wasn't anger, it wasn't sadness, it was the same feeling again.

"It's not that beautiiful... at least not what I remember of it..." Shadow walked into the living room, and Cream followed him, the curious little rabbit she is.

"Here, watch some TV..." Shadow said, turning it on and to a children's station.

"Mr. Shadow, I'm Huuuuuuuuuugry..." Cream sad, suddenlly.

"Chao Chao!" Her chao supported, floating around, and holding his stomach.

Shadow sighed. "Lessee... uhh I got some potato chips in the cupboard, and a few apples on the table, knock yourself out..."

Cream looked as if she was going to cry. Remembering his experiences with Amy yesterday, Shadow immediatly got up, "Err... I mean, what do you want?"

Cream immediatly brightened.

"Pancakes!" She blurted quickly, getting a cry of agreement from Cheese.

SHadow sighed. "Okay, but I don't have Pancakes..."

"Mommy sometimes would take us out to to SSWHOTLPTINAROOIHOP down the road." Crean said.

Shadow stopped to admire the true childishness of Cream. Only for a second he thought, 'maybe this is good for me', but he immidiatly shook the thought from his mind. "OKay, get anything you might wanna play with, let's go down to SSWHOTLPTINAROOIHOP."

Shadow sat in the front seat fo his car, Cream in the passenger side, looking up at Shadow, as he focused on the road.

"Shadow, why are we taking the car?" 

Shadow shrugged. "Safer I guess, I never really thought about it."

Cream continued to look at Shadow, and the pulled into the StationSquareWideHouseOfThingsLikePancake,ThisIsNotARipOffOfInternationalHouseOfPancakes, and they went inside.

After Cream ordered, if Shadow remembered correctly, 26 Pancakes, SHadow simply ordered a glass of coffee. As 'luck' would have it, Amy Rose walked into the SSWHOTLPTINAROOIHOP, Tails beside her. They were engaged in a conversation, talking about go knows what. Shadow shrunk a little in his seat, hoping they wouldn't see him.

His plans were shattered after Cream turned around, and immediatly gasped.

"Amy! Over here! AMY!" She cried, waving her arms wildly.

Shadow sighed, and rubbed his temples. "This is going to be a long day..."


	4. Chapter 3: The end

Chapter 3:

"Amy! AMY!" Screamed the tiny rabbit, waving her hands up and down rappidly.

Amy turned and noticed Shadow and Cream sitting there.

"Huh, oh hey Cream, Shadow." She seemed to hold no grudge to Shadow and waved happily.

Amy sat down next to Shadow, and Tails next to Cream.

"So Shadow, wat is Cream getting?" Asked Amy.

Idle Chitchat. Shadow didn't care.

Cream answered the question. "26 Pancakes!"

Shadow muttered, "Gonna make me broke..."

Cream heard him, and started to sniffle. "I--I'm SORRY!"

She started to burst into tears, and immediatly the police were on Shadow.

"RAPIST RAPIST!" THey yelled.

THey then noticed Tails.

"GANG BANG GANG BANG!" They yelled, and immediatly the mace filled Shadow and Tails' eyes.

And then they got hit by a bus,

The End.


	5. Chapter 3½:Game Over!

Chapter 3.5: No really

Shadow opened his eyes, and looked around at his surroundings, or lacktherof. He was in a giant black room, but it wasn't dark, it was like he was...

"Oh god dammit..." He muttered to himself. He turned, and saw Tails beside him.

"I'm dead, and I'm all outta lives! SHIT!"

Shadow walked around shouting obscenities, as Tails stirred and got up, saying,

"Shadow, what happened?"

To which Shadow replied

"Shitty fuck pussy fucking cunt licker glasses with milk in them!"

THere was a pause, and Shadow stopped and looked at Tails.

"So it looks like this is Game Over..."

Shadow looked around. They were in a room, 'connected to others through plexiglass that you could see through.

Shadow saw a giant yellow blob, who sighed. He saw two boese plumbers, who were sharing a pizza, and a purple jester, in the fetal position in the corner, screaming "THERE'S GONNA BE A SEQUAL! HAHAHAHAH!"

Shadow shrugged, and turned to Tails. "So how are we getting out of here?"

Tails turned to a sign. "Well, this sign says that this area can conjour anything we think of. Sooo..."

Shadow stopped. "Anything?"

"Yeah, so I'm guessing---"

Immediatly Shadow was infront of a TV with a recliner, and an XboX 360 hooked up to the TV and connect to the internet, playing Halo 3

Shadow droned as he skyjacked an idiot who tried to dive him in the banshee.

"LOL n00b" Shadow said, and he started pwning everyone around the map.

Tails shrugged. "I guess Game Over may not be so bad..."

Tail turned to his new computer, and sat down.

THis continued for weeks, with Shadow and Tails spawning different things that tickled thier fancies, until eventually one day Shadow said.

"Dude, I'm freaking bored."

Tails shrugged. "Eh, I'm there myself. There are only so many games to download anymore..."

"So what's the plan?"

"Well..." Tails Mused...

--Meanwhile in Station Square.

"And so the sailor says, that's a not an anchor, that's me wife!"

An awkward silence filled the room, as Sonic got off the stage, with a mild applause.

Suddenly, all of Station Square lurched, and a warphole appeared over the city.

"AHHH! IT's a giant flaming asshole!" One citizne yelled.

"Ohhhh! Kinky!" Said another with much sarcasm in his voice.

"LOOK! AMY!" Sonic yelled over the chaos. He grabbed the sewer cover, causing Knuckles to fall in in his fear. He held up the sewer cover, and the warp hold begant o pick him up. "This is your asshole before prison!" he said motioning to the sewer cover. He pointed at the warphole, as it sucked him in. "AND THAT'S YOUR ASS AFTER PRISOOOOOON------" He yelled as he was sucked in.

Tails looked as thier cubicle spread out bring Station Square to Game Over. "Yeah it worked!"

So Tails and Shadow brought Station Square to Game Over, and everyone lived kinda happilyish never soon.

Oh, but Shadow still had to babysit Cream, to which Sonic laughed, and to which Shadow shot him, causing him to respawn, causing his life counter to go down to 73.

Anyway, the next morning Shadow woke up, and tuerned off his alarm, and went downstairs, and Cream was waiting for him.

"Good Morning Shadow, now turn on cartoon, kthx."

Shadow did so, and prepared his coffee. Sighing. 'Whatever...'


	6. Chapter 4: LOL WUT

Chapter 4: LOL WUT?

Cream was watching "Learn your Numbers, ABC's, and how to Shoot people in the face!" on SSPBCTINAROOPBS.

Their main character, "Penelope Pistol" was on the screen.

"Now take the gun..." Cream took Shadows Gun laying on the coffee table.

"And point it at the nearest person!"

Cream pointed at Shadow, who was occupied, looking the other way at a poster on the wall.

"And pull the happy button!"

Cream pulled, and there was a bang.

Shadow bent down to tie his invisible lace shoes, and when he looked up the poster had a pea sized hole in it.

Cream looked sad. "Awww it didn't work..."

Shadow grabbed the gun.

"I told you not to touch my guns! Now, go sit on the naughty stool!"

There was a stool in the middle of a pit of lava, fireballs randomly shooting out of the lava. The stool had a vase with flowers on it, and fireball hit it, and it immediately burst into flames.

"Naughty stool now!" Shadow repeated.

Cream sighed, and flew out to the stool.

Shadow changed the channel to "National Gun Show" and watched.

-30 Minutes later

"I don't get it at all, why does he keep handling the gun? Just shoot them all, and get it over with!"

A Timer dinged, and Shadow called to Cream. " 'Kay, time's up, and you were really good, who wants ice cream!?"

There was a long pause, and Cream and Shadow looked at each other.

"Soooo... was that a serious question, and do you expect a serious response?"

Shadow sighed, and grabbed his coat, and headed to the door.

"Touché..."

"What?" Asked the little bunny.

Shadow sighed. "Nothing, let's just go get some ice cream, and walk down the street with no event or actual plot points happening. Nothing like finding Sonic, and figuring out he signed me up for this job. Or me finding Amy naked, and having a child, forcing me into eternal servitude of a pink emo hedgehog who knows how to carry guns, and we definitely won't find our future selves or something, revealing what turns our lives will take. That's just stupid, nothing like that ever happens.!"

And so Shadow and Cream walked outside.

They passed a bench, where Sonic was sitting talking to Tails. "So Shadow doesn't even know I'M the one who signed him up for the babysitting job. Hehehe."

Shadow turned to Sonic. "What? You ASSHOLE!" Sonic zipped off, and Shadow sighed. No need for chase.

Shadow continued down the street, and Amy was sitting naked in a field, making daisy chains.

Shadow stared. "Um... Cream go talk to Tails..."

"Okay..." Cream muttered and walked over to Tails.

45 Minutes later, Shadow came over sweaty, and panting.

"Okay, phew... Let's head to the ice cream shop."

As they continued down the street, a wormhole in the space time continuum broke open, and the future Sonic walked out.

"Hey, Shadow!" Said future Sonic. "You die of a heart attack in 15 months!" He clicked his tounge, and winked. "Cream, you get raped by a bystander, and then Tails eats his tails and/or brain, following which Knuckles eats some bad shrimp, and then he reaches down his throat and pulls it out, along with his colon. Oh and Amy spontaneously combusts. Have fun!" Another tear appeared, and Sonic dissipated.

Shadow and Cream walked up to the ice cream shop, and Shadow sighed.

"Well that was a nice walk down the street with no event or actual plot points happening. Nothing like finding Sonic, and figuring out he signed me up for this job. Or me finding Amy naked, and having a child, forcing me into eternal servitude of a pink emo hedgehog who knows how to carry guns, and we definitely didn't find our future selves or something, revealing what turns our lives will take."

"Yep." Said Cream. "Uneventful."

They walked inside, and a bus hit the building, causing a terrorist attack to rival 9/11, but nobody noticed because Sonic was telling his crappy stand up on top of the bus station.

The End Again.


	7. Chapter 5: Sarah the Emo Hedgehog

Chapter 5: Sarah the Emo Hedgehog

Shadow sighed and got up. He was in a new cubicle in Game Over, Cream laying beside him.

"Crap..." He said. He conjured a matter transporter, and transported Station Square there. Mass panic Ensued, and then everything was normal again.

Shadow sighed, and he and Cream went inside and got some ice cream.

Cotton Candy got Shadow flavor, and Raspberry got Cream flavor.

Shadow licked his cone, and started walking back towards the house, Cream behind him.

"Hey Mr. Shadow, look there's Amy!"

Sure enough as Cream said, Amy came running towards Shadow. "Look Shadow! Look what came from our 'adventure'!"

She held a pink emo hedgehog who knew how to hold a gun.

"What the HELL?! It hasn't been 9 months!"

Amy held up a box. It said 'BabyBorne: Make that baby be born NOW!'

Shadow sighed. "This is so freaking stupid..."

Amy gave the baby to Shadow. "Okay, her name is Sarah, and she naps at 12, till 3, and sleeps at 8. She can already speak and read at a 5th grade level."

"Yeah, so let's go daddy." Said Sarah, grabbing Shadows Leg.

--

"Mr Shadow!" Shadow shook his head, and looked around. He was sitting on a bench with Cream eating his Ice Cream. It was a a crazy day dream. Shadow sighed, and licked his cone some more.

As they walked home, Cream demanded a piggyback ride.

"No" Shadow simply said.

"Awww Why not?" She pleaded

"No"

"Awww PLEASE?"

"I'm not a Mule"

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?!"

Shadow said no again and Cream started to sniffle.

Shadow opened his mouth to protest, but immediately the police ere there.

"RAPE RAPE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!" They sprayed mace in Shadow's eyes, and he hit the ground thrashing screaming in pain

"AHHHHHHHH AGH WHY? NOOOO MARIAAAAAAAAAA!"

Cream kicked Shadow, and he got up, eyes dripping with tears, and red and inflamed.

"Come on Mr. Shadow, Let's go home!"

Shadow shrugged, and said, "Okay"

And they walked home, Shadow's eyes in pain, and Cream skipping happily.


End file.
